Archive for » December, 2009 «

This is my first Christmas without my mother. I miss my mom more than word can ever express, but I have promised myself that I will not be sad and weepy, and that I will enjoy Christmas as I know she would want me to.  My brother Bernard and I will be spending the day at my cousin’s house.  All of the Middlebrooks family here in Atlanta will be there, and I know my mama’s spirit will be there with us.

My mother did not like to have her picture taken.  It was extremely difficult to get her in front of a camera so I have very few photos of her.  This is one I have of her from a Christmas long, long ago. It did not have a date on it, but look at that tree… my “go go” boots there on the floor…and where in the world did she get those eyeglasses!! There are tears in my eyes, but a big smile on my face and a warm feeling of love in my heart. Merry Christmas mama.  I miss you.

Researching my family history is a very emotional experience for me, as I’m sure it is for many researchers. Each newly discovered piece of information fills in another piece of the puzzle, but also presents you with more questions and creates even more empty spaces in that puzzle that is your family tree. Our family stories need to be told, and we were chosen by our ancestors to do just that…tell their stories. It is imperative that we record and preserve our family history. No one said it would be easy, but it is necessary. There are highs and lows, jackpot days and empty days, and many brick walls to tackle. It’s a roller coaster ride of emotions, and I love it all.  Sometimes, however, I can’t help but wonder about the things I’ll never find, and….

Some Days I Just Wanna Cry!

For all the brick walls I’ll never break through
For all the documents I’ll never find
For all the burned courthouses where ashes held the answers I seek
For all the times no one took the time to write it down
For all those known only by their sex, age and race
For all those that died before anyone knew they were ever alive
For all those who survived with no clues left to trace
For all the photos with no name, date, or place
For all the lost memories, and those too ugly to share
For all the unidentifiable and unmarked graves
For all the cemeteries too unimportant to save
For all those ancestors I’ll never know
For all those I find, but can’t prove they are mine….

Some Days I Just Wanna Cry!

[Image Source: Blue Monday. Artist: Annie Lee]